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    3881 Ten Oaks Rd, Ste 2A | Glenelg, MD 21737
    jpiffath.lcpc@gmail.com | (443) 520-1005

  • Jim Piffath

    Counseling for Individuals, Couples & Families

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    Are You Married to a Narcissist?

    February 4, 2020

    When you met your spouse, did it seem like love at first sight? Was there a familiarity to them and a feeling that you were somehow drawn to them? Soon after you said “I do,” did they begin to change? Were they giving you less attention and making everything about them? Did they show fits […]

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    Are You Married to a Narcissist?

    February 4, 2020

    When you met your spouse, did it seem like love at first sight? Was there a familiarity to them and a feeling that you were somehow drawn to them? Soon after you said “I do,” did they begin to change? Were they giving you less attention and making everything about them? Did they show fits of rage or suddenly start giving you the silent treatment?

    If any (or most) of this sounds familiar, there’s a very good chance you married a narcissist. Still not sure? Here are some common warning signs:

    Unreasonable Expectations

    For narcissists, it’s all about THEM. This means your spouse may expect you to meet their needs 24/7 while your own are placed on the back burner. If you find you give and they take ALL of the time, you may be married to a narcissist.

    Jealousy

    They talk a good game, but narcissists actually have low self-esteem. This also makes it very easy for them to become jealous – VERY jealous. And not just about anyone interested in your romantically, but ANYONE who can take focus off of them, including children, pets and other friends and family members. This jealousy will trigger intense rage.

    Projection

    Narcissists all have the same power play and that is to project their own behaviors onto others. You see politicians do this all of the time. Your spouse may say that you are needy or have anger issues, and in your head, you are thinking, “Wow, you are so describing YOU right now.” Yes, they are – they are projecting.

    No (or Fake) Apologies

    Narcissists have no empathy. That is, they truly don’t have the ability to look at something from another person’s perspective. You may be hurting or having a bad day, but your spouse seems completely uninterested. They ARE uninterested.

    No empathy also makes it hard for them to take any responsibility for their behaviors and actions. But they have enough awareness to know they should at least make it LOOK as if they care, so they will throw you a hollow apology every so often.

    Narcissistic abuse is very real, and if you have been the victim, you most likely feel exhausted and shell-shocked, lacking confidence and self-worth. If you would like to talk to someone about this, please be in touch with me. I would be happy to discuss how I may be able to help you heal from the abuse you’ve endured.

    Filed Under: Abuse/Neglect, Couples/Marriage, General, Issues for Women

    What is Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy?

    December 31, 2019

    You’ve probably heard of mindfulness meditation, but what exactly is Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT)? This form of therapy uses mindfulness practices like breathing exercises and meditation to help clients break free of negative thought patterns. What Can MBCT Treat? MBCT was first developed to prevent individuals who were struggling with repeating episodes of depression and anxiety from […]

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    What is Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy?

    December 31, 2019

    You’ve probably heard of mindfulness meditation, but what exactly is Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT)? This form of therapy uses mindfulness practices like breathing exercises and meditation to help clients break free of negative thought patterns.

    What Can MBCT Treat?

    MBCT was first developed to prevent individuals who were struggling with repeating episodes of depression and anxiety from relapsing. Studies have found MBCT to be very effective at helping people with major depressive disorder who have experienced at least 3 instances of depression in their life. This therapy approach may also be helpful in improving the symptoms of depression in those with disease and physical illness, such as cancer and traumatic brain injuries.

    How Does Mindfulness Help Depression?

    You may think that meditation is something only monks or yoga masters do, but everyday people are reaping the major mind and body benefits through mindfulness meditation. Depressed people suffer rumination, that is they become stuck in mental patterns. They often mistake their rumination for problem-solving, but in reality, rumination prolongs a negative mental state.

    Meditation works by disrupting the mental process of rumination. When you focus your mental attention on the present moment, you cannot ruminate. While it’s hard for any person to completely stop the mental process of rumination, it’s our choice whether or not we engage with it. Meditation helps us “just say no.”

    How to Find an MBCT Therapist

    MBCT is usually held in group sessions once weekly for 2-hours each. The meditations and breath work will be led by your therapist. He or she will not only lead you in these techniques but also the fundamentals of cognition, such as the relationship between your thoughts and how they make you feel. Your therapist will also most likely give you homework to practice the breathing and meditation techniques you’ve learned that week.

    An MBCT therapist is a cognitive behavioral therapist who will have had additional training in mindfulness-based practices and techniques and is able to teach these to others. Beyond looking for these specific credentials, you’ll also want to find a therapist you feel comfortable working with. After doing a bit of research for qualified therapists in your area, get on the phone and talk to a few to see who you may like working with the best.

    If you or someone you know may be interested in exploring MBCT, please reach out to me. I’d be happy to discuss how I may be able to help.

    Filed Under: Anxiety, Depression, General, Issues for Women, New Mother, Self-Esteem

    3 Reasons to Stay Single (At Least For a While) After a Breakup

    November 16, 2019

    “Try, try again…” “Dust yourself off and start all over again…” “Get right back on that horse…” These are just some of the common phrases we use to support the idea that trying something after it didn’t go so well the first time is a good idea. And in many instances, this is the right […]

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    3 Reasons to Stay Single (At Least For a While) After a Breakup

    November 16, 2019

    “Try, try again…”

    “Dust yourself off and start all over again…”

    “Get right back on that horse…”

    These are just some of the common phrases we use to support the idea that trying something after it didn’t go so well the first time is a good idea. And in many instances, this is the right attitude. But there is something to be said about taking a break after a breakup.

    When you’ve ended a difficult marriage or relationship, you may feel like putting yourself back out there and start dating again. But here are some reasons why it’s best to stay single for a while:

     

    You Need to Process

    The longer and bigger the relationship, the more events and feelings you’ll need to process. Dating is a great distraction from your feelings, and that is exactly why you need to remain single for a while. It’s important to process all of your feelings regarding the relationship and the breakup. Ignoring your feelings will only cause them to fester.

     

    You Need to Learn

    Every heartbreak in life is an opportunity to learn a valuable lesson. Now is the time for you to think about what went wrong in the relationship and why? What was your part in it? What could you have done better? How will you choose your next partner based on your experiences?

    Failure to truly understand your relationship history will only cause you to make the same exact mistakes.

     

    You Need to Grow

    You can either bring an excessive amount of emotional baggage to your next relationship, or you can bring a new version of you that is whole and healthy and vital. Now is the time to nurture yourself and your passions. What hobbies have you been ignoring because of your broken relationship? Have you been wanting to take a night class? Learn a new language or travel more? The more time you spend on yourself now to grow as a human being, the more you will have to offer that next Mr. or Mrs. Right.

     

    Breakups are never easy, but they are often a part of life. The key is to not rush into the next relationship but take some time to reflect on the one that just ended. What can you learn and how can you grow?

    Filed Under: Couples/Marriage, Issues for Women, Self-Esteem

    How to Find Friends as an Adult

    June 30, 2019

    You may remember growing up, meeting your best friend on the playground or making friends in French class. As adults, we don’t have systems built in to make friends like we did as children. We can’t even reach out to loved ones for help, because while it’s socially acceptable to say “I’m looking for a […]

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    How to Find Friends as an Adult

    June 30, 2019

    You may remember growing up, meeting your best friend on the playground or making friends in French class. As adults, we don’t have systems built in to make friends like we did as children. We can’t even reach out to loved ones for help, because while it’s socially acceptable to say “I’m looking for a boyfriend”, its not socially acceptable to say “I’m looking for a best friend.” If you want to find a friend as an adult, it’s going to be a lot like finding a romantic partner.

    Envision Your Friend

    Think about what kind of person your friend would be. Think back to your childhood friends and what made them fun to hang out with. Should your friend be extroverted or introverted? Should they love the outdoors or be a movie buff? Look for qualities in your friend similar to the way you’d look for qualities in a partner.

    Go Where Your Friend Would Be

    Now that you know what kind of person your friend would be, think about what that person would be doing. Where are they on the weekends? Where do they shop or like to go out to eat? Go to those different places. If you’re an outdoorsy person and want an outdoor-loving friend, find outdoor meetups. Try a hiking or walking group, or sign up for a new fitness class. Keep in mind as you test the waters that you won’t find your friend on your first outing. Just as when you’re looking for a partner, it takes more than just one try. It will take a bit of time and searching.

    The Big Ask

    When you’re ready to ask out your potential new friend, a great way to get a “yes” is to invite them to a favorite, or to something new. For example, invite your friend to go watch your favorite sports team or over to your house to cook your favorite recipe. You can also invite them to play a new board game, or out to watch a new movie.

    Stoke the Fire

    You’ll need to nurture your budding friendship by spending more time together. Just as in dating, take it slow and steady, and don’t take anything too seriously at first. Too much too fast could set you up for a friendship that’s not going to work, or might make the other person feel smothered.

    You can deepen the friendship by working on goals together. Find out what your friend dreams about. How can you help them meet their goals? How can they help you with yours? Maybe they can help you get ready for a summer swimsuit, and maybe you can help them organize their garage. Find ways to work on things together.

    Do you find yourself struggling in social situations? A licensed therapist can help you overcome shyness and improve your social interactions. Give my office a call today, and let’s schedule a time to talk.

    Filed Under: General, Issues for Women

    Getting Your Inner Spark Back: 5 Tips to Loving Yourself Again

    June 22, 2019

    We are born knowing that we are infinitely lovable. Babies and toddlers demand love and attention. They ask to be held, they ask for toys and presents and they feel they deserve them. When we’re very young, we simply somehow just “know” that we are amazing and deserve nothing but goodness. But then something happens… […]

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    Getting Your Inner Spark Back: 5 Tips to Loving Yourself Again

    June 22, 2019

    We are born knowing that we are infinitely lovable. Babies and toddlers demand love and attention. They ask to be held, they ask for toys and presents and they feel they deserve them. When we’re very young, we simply somehow just “know” that we are amazing and deserve nothing but goodness.

    But then something happens…

    We get programmed by kids at school and various media outlets. We hit puberty and our hormones kick in and suddenly instead of being awesome and lovable, we believe we aren’t good enough, smart enough, or good looking enough.

    The good news is, you can fall in love with yourself all over again, and here are some ideas to get you started:

    Make Time for Yourself

    Little kids spend a lot of alone time playing. And during this alone time, they are really connected to their inner world. The “us” in this inner world is the real us, not the us in the business suit or rush-hour traffic or grocery store line. Spend quality time just with you so you can reconnect to the “you” you’ve forgotten.

    Say “No” More Often

    When we constantly put others’ needs before our own, we tell our subconscious mind over and over that we do not matter. If you are a people pleaser, get into the habit of saying no to others and yes to yourself more often.

    Do What You Love

    Maybe when you were young you wanted to be a painter or singer or photographer, but an adult “talked some sense into you.” Well there is no reason you can’t explore these passions as a hobby now. Doing what you love is one of the best ways to love yourself more.

    Speak Your Truth

    When you constantly tell other people what they want to hear instead of telling the truth, you silence yourself. This, in turn, kicks your self-worth to the curb.

    Don’t be afraid to always be authentic and truthful. Sure, you’ll sometimes have to find graceful and tactful ways to share your truth with others, but it’s the best way to love yourself.

    Get Help

    When our self-worth is low or non-existent, attempting to love ourselves can feel impossible. If you suffer from self-esteem issues, speaking with a therapist can help you recognize where these issues came from and how to work through them to truly love yourself.

    If you’d like to explore treatment options, please be in touch. I would be more than happy to discuss how I may be able to help you get your spark back.

    Filed Under: General, Issues for Women, Self-Esteem



    3881 Ten Oaks Rd, Ste 2A
    Glenelg, MD 21737

    (443) 520-1005
    jpiffath.lcpc@gmail.com

    Convenient to Glenelg, Columbia,
    Ellicott City, & Western Howard County

    Contact Today

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    Jim Piffath, LCPC
    jpiffath.lcpc@gmail.com | (443) 520-1005

    Counseling services in Glenelg, Columbia,
    Ellicott City, and Western Howard County

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